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TORRY HANSEN, Sheriff to File Charges, Was Artem Saveliev Abused by Adoptive Family???
Bedford County Sheriff Randall Boyce in a press conference today, announced that Torry Hansen has continued to refuse to cooperate with authorities. He 
said because of this, he will be forced to pursue criminal charges against her and possibly the grandmother. He told reporters the charges could range from child abandonment to child abuse charges.
Authorities in Russia say Artem Saveliev, the abandoned Russian boy, has shown no violent tendencies since his arrival. Artem, has been placed in protective care and has been examined by local doctors. What’s most disturbing, is Russian doctors have found “some scars and some bodily injuries,” including marks on his leg and hands. The marks are believed to be two to three months old. Was Artem physically abused by Torry and Nancy Hansen?
As the story continues to unfold, it appears Torry Hansen’s mother placed a call to a Russian lawyer to discuss their options. The grandmother is also the person who gave Artem a one way ticket back to Moscow. Did Torry Hansen’s mother push her to return the child? Why was grandmother so actively involved in getting rid of the child? Why is the grandmother the only person speaking to media and not her daughter Torry? What are they hiding and why are they refusing to speak to the Sheriff’s department?
Adam Pertman, executive director of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute in New York City, said, “On every level, putting a little kid on a plane and shipping them somewhere is horrific behavior. If you have a problem, you deal with the problem. It is certainly the equivalent of abandoning your child.”
Fortunately, three new families in Russia have come forward requesting to adopt Artem. It’s reported that he will be placed with a diplomatic family in Russia, who will give him the proper care and love that he needs. Thoughts and prayers go out to Artem.
It’s real easy to point an accusing finger at this single mom. How many others send unescorted children on airplanes? How many others abandon children or have children who must be put in protective services? Would everyone prefer this woman give the child a whipping? Few people know how damaging orphanage life is and this woman sincerely wanted to give the boy a home. However, a child with severe emotional damage needs intensive rehabilitative services. Otherwise, they end up killing pets, burning the house, or killing someone. Until you have walked in the shoes of someone willing to spend thousands of dollars, go through extensive adoption paperwork, and travel many miles to give a child a home…only to be driven to the brink of insanity by that severely disturbed child…don’t judge!!!!! Adoptive parents get no help. The reaction of people shows that adoptive parents are considered ‘less than’ by biological parents who think they know everything.
One other thing…adoptive families in Russia wishing to adopt that child should be warned. If they don’t have the skills to handle very damaged children, they will find themselves in the same situation this single mom did. Just wait and see.
I think the reason why the world is shocked is how she handled the dissolution of the adoption. She never notified the adoption agency, local authorities, and did not return the child back to the orphanage. She even signed over parental rights to her mom. It’s her lack of maturity and sensitivity towards the young boy. She acted like a coward and is still hiding.
If you have a problem, you don’t put a child on a plane, without notifying anyone he is arriving.It’s cruel. What if he would have fallen in the wrong hands, with a pedophile, or something horrible? The child is not a monster, he is a human being and has rights. She showed him no respect or love.
Most kids adopted from foreign countries will experience a culture shock which most of the time manifests in erratic behavior. That tends to go away after a few months. Maybe this woman should have been better prepared before starting an international incident.
The child was ESCORTED. This happens on airlines everyday. The mom was single. She was exhausted. Parents who are emotionally distraught often end up abusing children. This mom chose to return the child to the environment he knew best instead of dumping him in foster care because she could not handle him. This situation is FAR more serious than culture shock. SPEND time with a child with reactive attachment disorder (failure to bond) and you will pull your hair out too. If she had unlimited financial resources & specialized counseling services plus access to Dr. Daniel Amen’s brain imaging & medical services, perhaps she could have rehabilitated this child. The brain of a child who has suffered years of institutional care is NOT the same of a child raised in a loving home. For more information on brain scans, go to Dr. Daniel Amen’s site. For more information on how to help severely disturbed children, read Dr. Bryan Posts book, Beyond Love and Consequence, A Love Based Approach to Raising Children.
My son is autistic and his behavior is very difficult to deal with much of the time. Fortunately the state of Pennsylvania has extensive help for kids with my sons condition. Adoptive families don’t have the same type of support that children with autism have in Pennsylvania (most states don’t take care of these children either).
While, even without help, I would never throw my son away. The real answer here is to hold Russia financial accountable for the expense of damaged children. They should have an orphanage system that does not cause this “severe” scarring. While loosing all of your relatives is going to be scarring either way, they have an abhorant system that magnifies that problem by a million times.
Where were these “Russian” families before this ordeal? So, easy for them to run out of the wood work now. While I don’t support the way this woman went about this and would never do the same, this is a bigger problem than her. I will also say, that she as a single mother should not have been allowed to adopt unless she showed a great deal of financial resources and family support.
If this is an example of her parenting skills and her ability to act as a mother, than she should NEVER be allowed to adopt or foster another child. Just the act of putting him on a plane by himself is abusive, but apparently there may have been further abuse within the home.
I would like to know WHEN they plan to charge both the mother and the grandmother, not IF they plan to.
So what if the mother is exhausted, what single moms aren’t these days. If I get tired of my son, should I put on a plane to Houston where he was born saying “I don’t want to parent him anymore?” This is nonsense.
He was not escorted, the airline would have never allowed the child on the plane if they knew the REAL situation. The child was suppose to have a round trip ticket and be met by a family member at the airport. Not a stranger and not to be dumped at a government building. She should have returned the child to the adoption agency for placement, or the orphanage. She should have told everyone in ADVANCE. Not by letter but by phone. She is a coward, she should go to jail period.
I can’t believe people are blaming the child, also we don’t even know if what she said is true. She NEVER took the child to the doctor and NEVER enrolled him in school. She is a liar, she is immoral and she should go to prison.
You have NO clue and very limited information. So quit condemning this woman. There are many failed adoptions in this country. Most are because well-meaning folks want to make a difference for a child but don’t know a RAD child can destroy a family. Comparing a single mom who has loved a child from infancy to a single mom who is suddenly raising a child with RAD (reactive attachment disorder) is like saying Ted Bundy could have been a better date if someone had just been nicer to him. Don’t be so naive. Kids can be sociopaths and could have severely hurt the woman’s other child, given time. They start with crazy lying, stealing, little eye contact, inability to be held, pet torture, then hurting others AND themselves. They are not to blame and no one is blaming them. They need immediate services. Unfortunately, few insurance companies pay for residential care. This woman would have had to relinquish the adoption (which she should have done), put him in foster care or pay for intensive services that most single moms can’t possibly afford. Get off your high horse. Spend ONE day with a child like this and you will be exhausted and feel you’re going insane…if you are not trained to handle children suffering from post-institutional autism, RAD, sensory deprivation, eating disorders and failure to thrive. They hurt themselves. The best thing this woman could have done was what she did. She gave the child safe passage back to Russia and drew international attention to the plight of children raised in orphanages. Perhaps NOW people will get the specialized training needed BEFORE they try to “save” a child that is severely emotionally disturbed. For the sake of the woman’s other child and because she is single without support from a father figure for the boy, she probably saved herself and her child from an emotional coaster ride leading to certain disaster.
Don’t get me wrong with what I have to say, but 1) Adopting a child is a traumatic event for both parent and child. It should never be done on a whim but only after deep thought and long term preparation. Parents who adopt may find that as much as they want a child, the child they get may not be a good fit for them or their lifestyle. That is the reason why most U.S. adoption agencies have weekend trips where you get the opportunity to meet and interact with the child of interest. On the other hand adoption is a HUGE deal for children. They now have emotional strangers in charge of caring for them. Its major culture shock even if you’re from the same culture. The child may feel overwhelmed while trying to become accustomed to there adoptive parents habits, new rules and freedoms, and being the center of someone’s attention.
2) Children who are adopted, even in infancy, may have trouble adjusting to there new surroundings. There may be behavior issues, emotional issues, and attachment issues. As hard as it is for a parent of an adopted child to adjust, it’s going to be a lot more complicated for the child. Family therapy and behavior therapy is hugely beneficial to both parent and child.
She legally adopted the child, she had to file paperwork, go through a background check, she had to board a plane and pick up the child and escort him to the United states.
If she wants to give up the child, she needs to follow the same process. Fill out paperwork, escort the child back to the country and turn him over personally. Not board him on a plane like luggage, with a note saying “sorry.” That’s utterly ridiculous and YOU have no clue what you’re talking about.
This is a human life, not garbage you toss on the side of the road. You have to follow process and procedure. You have to care about the rights of the child. The child’s rights were violated, she should go to jail for child abandonment.
Otherwise, irresponsible parents around the country will be dumping their kids on planes and buses sending them on a one way ticket to nowhere. Just like people who abandon animals they adopt. People need to take responsibility for their actions and decisions. No one forced her to adopt the Russian boy, she obviously is not ready to be a mom.
You say the kid has RAD but NO Medical doctor has diagnosed that. You’re taking Ms. Hansen’s word as gospel and she refuses to speak to the police department. What is she hiding? She is not above the law and she needs to prove what she’s saying is true. The reason why she’s hiding is because it’s probably not. She has no proof, only what she says.
To Simon.
I wonder if you have kids of your own, and if you ever placed yourself in this boy’s shoes.
To “get off your high horse” for a moment imagine being a 7-year old boy in this story. Some feeling must be filling you…
“Exhausted single mom” should have never adopted a child if she is not capable to cope with the parent responsibility. She shipped her son like a parcel. There have been cases when parents returned their adopted children but in a legal way. I would say, in a more humane way.
No one denies the problems the adoptive families face and DEAL with. It is the outrageous action the mother took.
I am not sure how you are connected with this family, however you will not find any supporters of the family’s behavior here.
I don’t care how “exhausted” this single mother was! YOU DO NOT TREAT HUMAN BEINGS THIS WAY.
Interntional adoption is a complicated and lengthy process. Not something to be entered into lightly.
Was this mother and grandmother living under a rock for the last several decades? Where they completely unaware of the possibilities of adopting a child who, due to life cirsumstances, may have personality issues?
This woman (and I used the term lightly as I expect her maturity level was that of a teen) has created a HUGE international problem between too very large and not always friendly countries – is she prepared for the fallout? I doubt it.
My opinion – spoiled, immature and stupid. Add those three things together and you have dangerous possibilities.
Throw the book at her!
Regardless of what the child’s possible (and we don’t know yet) problems are/where – THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO HANDLE THE SITUATION.
Simon, maybe no one agrees with you because you are so very wrong!!! There was help for this woman. There are many, many places of support and aid. Look it up on the net. Lots of other RAD parents have found help for their families. We know she can use a computer. That’s how she found the complete stranger who picked up the boy. She chose not to seek any help out. The agency had been trying to contact her routinely to see how things were. She avoided them. Does that sound like a poor exhausted woman who just doesn’t know where to turn? She obviously had an idealized vision in her small little mind, and when it didn’t materialize she walked away before even trying to find a solution. There was less than three months that passed between the time that grandma said the problems appeared, and when the child was shipped back to Russia. How is that trying? Sorry Simon, I don’t care how you word it. The woman put far less problem solving into this than any child deserves.
Becky, If you read the earlier post, you’ll see I adopted two children from orphanages. Why don’t YOU do some investigative work and compare the resources this woman had available in her area. We went as far away as Colorado for specialized therapy in attachment and bonding. By the time we found the place, our kids could speak English. My only complaint was that unless you have been in this situation, you have NO CLUE what this single mom was going through and should not condemn someone without knowing anything about a severely psychologically damaged child. This mom knew something was wrong. She already had a child and was trying to give another child a home. Adoption agencies now KNOW the severe trauma and neglect these kids have suffered. They should have prepared the mom and done follow up. How many mothers in this country get overwhelmed and leave their kids with anybody and everybody? This woman probably thought that the child would be better off with people speaking his own language and more able to control him. We don’t know if this mom felt her other child was being harmed. We don’t know. That’s the point. With enough money and therapeutic help, any child can heal. Without money or specialized attachment therapist, this child could have done incredible harm. You weren’t in the home. Ask any parent of a child adopted from an Eastern European or Russian orphanage and s/he will tell you how immensely difficult it is without monumental support from family and friends. If you want to judge, condemn and throw this mom into jail, that’s your choice. Just know that there are two sides to this very tragic story. I think it was better that she do anything other than harm the child. After adopting traumatized children myself, I know it’s time for this story to be told so other well-meaning wanna-be parents get the training they need…just as foster parents get before having children in their home.
Simon,
I believe the woman is an RN, she knows more than any other mother of the resources available in her area.
You’re right, it’s good that she gave away the boy if she did not want him. The problem is the way she has done it.
Being a parent yourself how can you justify this behavior I do not understand.
I do not argue the difficulty she faced with. No one knows the true story unless you are part of that family. However everyone witnessed the mother’s decision. Decision that is immature, cruel and inhumane.
She should have adopted a battered animal and see how it goes before adopting a child. At least she would see the difference between the reality and a dream.
Simon, your posts look very self-protective… are you having probs dealing with your adopted orphans and wanting the situation with Torry to make her look good, like you need to feel YOU are justified in a less than perfect household with your adopted orphans?
You pick every thread and try to weave it back into “normal” for poor mom and “badddd” for the boy who just turned 7 years old. Makes one concerned about the children living with you since you show such insensitivity to Artem, and big hugs and Kleenex for the Single Mom. Not buying your explanations.
CLEARLY, something is very very wrong in this case.
-Single, never married? woman, 33 year old Torry Hansen, lives with “bio” boy, her mother Nancy Hansen and “family” according to news reports, in an area reporters called a “compound.” The news reports never identify “family” members who were allegedly speaking for her, other than Nancy Hansen.
-Torry and her “bio” son who is not identified by name or age, and no father is ever identified, and the adopted Russian, and Nancy Hansen, live in what news reporters termed “a compound” and told about a very tall privacy fence around certain areas of the compound, and that the compound consisted of many acres of land.
-Since the name of the bio boy is never publicized, and his father is not identified, perhaps the bio boy is like one of Michael Jackson’s kids, from a surrogate who carried donor eggs and sperm embryo… Doesn’t that cost megabucks?
-The local sheriff announced on TV days ago that they were “waiting” for Torry to respond to his request to speak with her. WHAT was THAT about? WHY would the Sheriff be waiting, since he KNEW this was an INTERNATIONAL issue, that Russia had stopped all adoptions by Americans because of this woman’s mistreatment of this child. He had every reason to take her and her accomplice out of the compound and slap them in jail.
-Federal/State law agents hover around this case, with the sheriff.
-ALL of these “officials” LET her and her bio boy and mother “escape” from that compound where major news facilities were standing watch, and slip out of little SHELBYVILLE, TENNESSEE. After they ran away, the law went in and found abandoned pets with no food or water.
-There has been no mention of any effort to find the missing child — the bio boy, who may be in danger from this brutal female and her accomplice. It is IRRATIONAL to give her any leeway to secretly move her bio child when she is under surveillance:) by law, and is accused by RUSSIA of child abuse. THE BIO CHILD is possibly being hidden to wait for his bruises to disappear, for the child to be told how to answer questions when they all re-appear, OR maybe they are in such deep trouble that they will kill the bio boy and commit suicide.
The thing is, these people are currently in possession of a child who has not been sent to any school, has been kept in a compound, has no friends, and has been witness to his bio mother doing who knows what to the Russian kid.
Who are the Power People involved? Someone had to help this single woman get the Russian kid, had to facilitate her needs in getting a “bio” kid, had to convince local law and school officials to stay away from inquiring about the two boys in the compound. The 800 POUND GORILLA in the room is WHY and for WHAT PURPOSE was this single woman and her mother setting up some facility in their secretive compound populating it with young boys, and who was going to “use” it.
Answer THAT, posters. You are MISSING what is in front of you.
Call politicians who are advertised in Shelbyville newspapers campaigning for office, and businesses in Shelbyville, Tennessee and ask them for information.
- find anybody who has regularly seen that single woman, her mother, any of Torry’s “family” and the two boys.
- there is one hospital. Bedford County Medical Center is closed, bought by Heritage Medical Center, find out if Torry, a nurse, ever worked at either facility.
- check the county birth records to find if a boy last name Hansen, was born there in the last 10 years… (the bio’s age has not been confirmed). If yes, what is the father’s name.
- track down the bio boy’s dad and see what he has to say about Torry and why she has custody (the kid probably thinks he doesn’t have a dad if Torry’s truthfulness holds true with how she relates to the bio boy).
Ask those D.C. State Dept officials involved in Foreign adoption regulations/procedures WHY they planned to go immediately to Russia to “talk” this issue over with them… instead of going directly to Shelbyville and talking to Tory Hansen. In a TV interview, the State rep never mentioned interest in questioning Torry. WHY?
WHAT IS HER POLITICAL CONNECTION? HOW DOES SHE MAKE HER MONEY AND SUPPORT HERSELF, AND MAINTAIN THAT COMPOUND?
Do some investigating on your own. Otherwise, this is going to be hidden.
What business is it of yours to judge others without one bit of evidence? You condemn someone solely on media coverage. When someone who knows how difficult it is to raise a traumatized child raises a question, you attack them. Now you want to know this woman’s political connection and how she supports herself? Lots of women work from home. She had to show means of support to even apply for adoption. As for putting a child in school, Dr. Ronald Federici, a top neuro-psychologist for post-institutionalized children and an adoptive father of four from Russia and a consultant for ABC, the Defense Dept. and several universities, says to keep newly adopted children completely away from other people the first few weeks/months. Just as an infant depends on the mother & bonds with a biological mother, an adoptive child from an orphanage needs special bonding time with the new parent. Orphans go to many caregivers. The older a child is, the more difficult it is for him/her to bond and learn trust. The training, education and pay of orphanage workers is often poor so many children are neglected. As for my children, one is in college and one is in the service. Both are in their twenties and supporting themselves. Though it was an emotional roller coaster every step of the way, they are doing better than any school officials predicted. When our son was in 7th grade, public school officials said he was too brain damaged to ever learn to read. We got him appropriate services the school district wouldn’t provide. His last year in high school he took Honors English, Honors Physics and Honors Algebra 2 and graduated on time with a partial college scholarship at the local public high school. Our daughter has a 3.8 GPA & is in her last year of college. Now what about your children? Never mind. This conversation is pointless. You believe you know it all even though you have no clue what it’s like to rehabilitate a severely damaged child who might have harmed her other child-very common for traumatized children. Be judge & jury. May what you send out come right back to you.
Becky,
I agree that she did not do it the same way. My complaint is about all the people who judge this adoptive parent and want to hang her from the highest tree when they don’t know all the facts. The way she did it, however, has drawn international attention. That means the child will now get some services…services no one cared to provide before in Russia. He will be served better in his own language instead of having to learn English and then get attachment therapy.
Gosh that little area in Tennessee must be very interesting. Lots of “quietly” famous folks from and in there. Hard to find them… but just follow the dots.
Interesting article:
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2011623988_animalabuse17m.html
Maury County and Fed agents connected to Seattle area event by the activities of a local, seem to have their hands as full as the Shelbyville Sheriff who must be doing duty overseeing feeding and watering Torry’s animals.
It’s now Tuesday, and last week the S.Sheriff said the escapee would be charged first of “next week” – - send him a calendar.
WHERE IS THE BIO BOY? Has he had an accident? OR, has there been some unfortunate accident including Torry and family… WHO IS HIDING THEM?… AND WHY?
There is something VERY MAJOR going on here folks. RUSSIA has now stopped All Americans from getting their kids and OUR US State Dept guys have backed off and still aren’t saying anything about or to Miss Hansen. You know, of course, about the lovely adoptive parents who have been convicted of abuse and murder of their little adopted Russian boy, don’t you? (must have gotten another of those psycho kids) Not easy to find info, but you can do it… if you try really hard. Maybe just get the State Dept guys in DC to answer your call. They know.
MANY THANKS TO THOSE WHO ARE SHOWING THEY HAVE GATHERED DETAILS FROM NEWS ACCOUNTS ETC ABOUT THIS EVENT, AND ARE MAKING SOME IN SHELBYVILLE VERY VERY ANGRY THAT THEY ARE SHARING IT. THOSE ANNOYED KEEP ASKING WHERE THEY GOT THEIR INFORMATION, THAT THEY SEEM TO KNOW A LOT ABOUT THIS CASE. HA. DON’T WORRY, KEEP IT UP. THIS WILL NOT BE SWEPT UNDER THE RUG EVEN THOUGH THERE SEEMS TO BE A LOT OF “FOLKS” TRYING TO DO JUST THAT.
btw, don’t bother to call Shelbyville Sheriff (number from operator area 931) you will be advised that the Sheriff refuses to talk to anyone about this issue. He is referring everyone to the D.A. Chuck Crawford (same area code and number through info). However, time your call right… no answer, no recorder, and a call back to the Sheriff asking for confirmation of the tel number will advise you that the DA might be out to lunch… and they don’t know who the DA’s boss is.
WHERE IS THE BIO BOY?
How old are you? You really like to dramatize things. Do you have a hidden agenda for making insinuations and false allegations about someone you know so little about? Is there some kind of emotional payoff for your outlandish posts? Were you unloved and now identify with this orphan and feel rage that his adoption failed? There are 150 million street kids who ‘graduated’ from orphanages and could use some of your attention. That number doesn’t even include the millions of teens aging out of foster care who end up on the streets in this country. Put your anger and venom into something productive instead of wasting time attacking someone who mistakenly thought that children live happily ever simply by being adopted. Potential parents need special skills to adopt severely traumatized children. It doesn’t take a rocket science to figure that out.
BTW…I don’t know Torry but I do recognize lynch mob mentality when I see it. I will one more time…unless you’ve encountered the similar circumstances, you have no clue what adoptive parents of post-institutionalized children face or how difficult it can be to help any child with Reactive Attachment Disorder if you don’t have training, respite care and resources. The very first day my adopted child was in our home, she broke a bowl over my 6 year old son’s head and he was rushed to the hospital with a concussion. She’s been in and out of residential treatment centers for years. We don’t know what she went through before we got her. No medical records. We do know what we’ve been through for the last 18 years. She’s had the best care possible but we still walk on eggshells and hope she doesn’t kill us or herself. Before you JUDGE, ask yourself if you could possibly have adopted a child half way cross the world and what would you have done if he was a danger to you or your child? If you can say you’ve been a perfect parent, then way to go Mother Theresa. If not, butt out and let the authorities handle this.
If that boy had no manners, doze of psychopatic problems and ect. why she wanted to adopt another child from Georgia (Georgia-foreign country located near by Black Sea seaside)? It’s generally known: “Once bitten-twice shy”. Definitely, there is something wrong with that woman. It looks like she is symbol immaturity and irresponsibility!
Watch out, folks, there might be some self-aggrandizing pompous comments needy of sympathy. Be gentle and comply and comfort them, they may have sore feet. My point of view is a strong conviction of the results produced in connecting a lot of dots and a lot of listening and asking questions… and the concern of quite a few of us at this point is about a little approximately 7-year old BIO BOY who is in the possession of a single 33 yr old female who is CONSIDERED by a FOREIGN COUNTRY to be a child abuser, and the citizens AND diplomats of that country seem to agree, to the extent the country has LOCKED their doors against Americans from getting any more of their children. HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL, AMERICANS? Certainly, the citizens of not only THAT foreign country but most other CIVILIZED foreign countries are looking at AMERICANS to see if they give a care about the child the fugitive is currently hiding. Isn’t a fugitive someone directed by the law to turn himself or herself in for talk about a law issue and they run away fast? According to reports, she gave the sheriff and any other Fed or State law reps involved, the slip out of lil’ ol’ Shelbyville, TN. Now where did she go, how did she get outta town without those efficient sharp representatives of our systems seeing her and apparently the others in her compound, leave town? Too many obvious “don’t looks” being smacked at you Americans… that’s ok if you are too busy,… there are some who care and are watching. Shelbyville will deserve the national and international reputation it is earning… gee, maybe it will be applied to Tennessee!
WHERE’S THE BIO BOY, AMERICA????
Outraged American…Are you going to go on the same verbal rampage and spewing condemnation for the parents of the three year old left in New York yesterday? Hopefully, you’ll put the same unbiased investigative skills into uncovering their dastardly deeds that you’ve directed toward Torrey. The public won’t need a trial. They’ll have people like you to try and convict them on the Internet. Oh, wait a minute…this isn’t a Communist country. People can’t be condemned without an investigation first. The point here is that you are a whack job and need therapy. You have so much hatred and anger that your comments are more about your issues and not about this tragic case.
WHERE IS THE BIO BOY, AMERICA?
Where is the bio boy, America? Hiding from crazies like you who judge, condemn and convict his mom without knowing any facts.
WHERE IS THE BIO BOY, AMERICA… SEEMS SOME ARE PERSONALLY ANNOYED IN THE USA BY THOSE WHO WON’T LET THEM HIDE TORRY AND THE BIO BOY. TRUTH OUTS.
RUSSIA, DO YOU HAVE ANY CLUES ABOUT WHAT’S GOING ON IN SHELBYVILLE, TENNESSEE, USA AFTER TALKING TO OUR FANTASTIC STATE DEPARTMENT REPS???
RUSSIA, WE THINK YOU SURE KNOW A LOT MORE THAN IS BEING RELEASED HERE… ENOUGH THAT YOU CLOSE OFF AMERICANS FROM GETTING TO YOUR KIDS.
Nice. You have a couple of good points. At the end of the day police officers do a good job. The issue with the law system is that it sometimes doesn’t work to the advantage of the victim. It is a system failure and needs to be fixed.
I read this article by Dr. Bryan Post. Perhaps it will give you some insight on Failed Adoptions.
Outrage over Adoption – Return to Sender
A seven year old child adopted a year ago was returned to Russia after his behaviors were more than the family could handle. I woke up this morning bombarded by request for comments on this story. Certainly the first thing many of us are prompted to do is bash the parents for being uncaring or callous, however before rushing to jump on the parent bashing train, how many of us have lived with severely traumatized children? Any family living in a home with a child who has written out a list of people he would like to kill, setting fires in his bedroom, and demonstrating little attachment after a year of care, would feel scared by the prospects of raising such a child. This is a normal reaction demonstrated by countless families in our society who have chosen to adopt abused and maltreated children. Unfortunately, such behaviors are all too familiar for both parents and professionals that raise and work with abused and neglected children. Though these behaviors are considered bizarre it is rather par for the course for many abused and maltreated children. Neuroscience has provided us many insights into the manner in which early life stress impacts the developing brain and its subsequent impact on social and emotional facets of life such as attachment, peer relationships, trust, and familial bonding.
The family was not deceived nor did the Russian adoption agency lie. However, if every parent of a child who threatened their life, or set a fire in their bedroom, stuck the child on a plane back to Russia the airline industry would probably specialize in such travel arrangements. They simply did not understand or know the impact that this child’s early life could have on his subsequent emotional life. With a lack of understanding, it is not beyond reason to see how this situation could have occurred. I am quite certain that the family felt desperate and fearful, as well as did the child. In a one year period of time, I don’t doubt that the little boy was “happier than he’d ever been” as reported by the mother, to be returning to Russia. Both the family and the little boy, though not the hope and dream, had probably been living in hell the past year. I am sure he was happy to be returning to the place he knew most as home.
We can prevent these occurrences from happening by providing education to adoptive families prior to adoption. Not by sugar coating adoption of international children, but by providing accurate and factual information based on what science tells us about the brain and social/emotional development. Any family adopting a child from an orphanage should be informed that regardless the age the child is going to have challenges in forming healthy, secure attachment for some time. They should be informed that their neurologic development is most likely challenged in key areas regarding social development and this will take time to repair, and their stress response system is highly sensitized and reactive. There are many places where pre-adoptive families and adoption agencies can gather very solid information to provide families. Just to name a few: http://www.postinstitute.com, http://www.journeytome.com, and http://www.childtraumaacademy.org.
Rather than reactively blaming these parents or seeking to punish them for their actions we need to step up to the plate and reach out to parents that may be in similar situations and offer support, resources and guidance rather than shame and punishment. Providing more fear and threats to families that are already in stress and survival is not going to make this situation improve. That being said I will take the lead and make my new book From Fear to Love: Parenting Difficult Adopted Children available free of charge as a digital download for any family or professional that may be feeling helpless about what to do with an adopted child. Just visit http://www.postinstitute.com/feartolovehelp
In the meantime, rather than chastise this family, pray for that they may recover and learn from this experience and go on to do positive things for other adoptive families. And for this little boy, that he will find peace and love to guide him towards healing the pain he has experienced in his young life.
Bryan Post, author, speaker, and family therapist is considered one of America’s Foremost Child Behavior Experts.