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Danielle Staub has had a bittersweet year. She may star in a hit television show but she has suffered many emotional blows over the last year. The latest news, sadly, was her mother’s funeral on March 25th. Her mom,  Merrill, died on March 21 after having a stroke at the age of 75 in Athens, Penn.

On May 3rd, the new season of Real Housewives of New Jersey will premiere. Staub says, “She’s on the show a little bit, she’s definitely a voice of reason with me,” Staub reveals. “She was a sweet woman, she adopted me, I was her miracle. She was one of the most energetic women. She was a very religious woman, a God-fearing woman.”

For now, Staub’s just trying to get through the initial grieving process. “I’m finding it very difficult, but I don’t want to control it. I’m fine, and then I’m not,” she says of how she’s handling the loss. “It goes in waves. When you lose your mother it’s hard to describe. You don’t know to prepare. You think you do, but you don’t, so I’m feeling a little lost. I want to call her but I can’t. And my daughters are now left without their grandmother.”

Staub, who broke down in tears while discussing her mother, tells PEOPLE, none of the other Jersey housewives reached out to her in her time of grief. She says, “They weren’t my friends before the show, they weren’t friends with me on the show, and they won’t be friends with me when the show has come and gone. I don’t expect them to reach out to me. I would actually be shocked. I would prefer not to have people be fake around me.”

Now, costar Jacqueline Laurita has responded to the accusation. “Last she told me,” Laurita tweeted. “She had NO contact w/her Mom in many years & had NO desire to. News to me. Must be new in the past few months. Sad to hear.”

Thoughts and prayers go out to Danielle Staub and her family.